Shi Jin practically jogged all the way to the hospital. Outside the ward, he deliberately paused in the hallway, taking several deep breaths before pushing open the door with a calm, composure-filled face.

Fei Yujing was leaning back against the hospital bed with his eyes closed to rest. Hearing the door open, he opened his eyes and looked over, asking, “Did you run here?”

Shi Jin froze in his tracks, his calm expression nearly cracking. “I walked here,” he shot back. “It’s not like I actually had to come collect your corpse. Why would I run? You’re not that important.”

“From your hotel to here, if you walked instead of ran, it would take about fifteen minutes,” Fei Yujing said, picking up his phone to check the time. “I sent you the text nine minutes ago.”

“…Are you looking for a fight?” Shi Jin asked expressionlessly.

Fei Yujing glanced at Shi Jin’s hair, slightly tousled by the wind. Seeing through it without exposing him, he raised a hand and patted the edge of the bed. “No. I can’t beat you in a fight right now anyway. Come here, sit.”

Shi Jin: “…” Suddenly he understood why Rong Zhouzhong always wanted to hit Fei Yujing. Right now, he really wanted to hit him too— hard.

Shi Jin stepped forward and took a seat. Fei Yujing poured him a glass of water and initiated the conversation, asking, “Did you eat dinner properly?”

“Yes. Third Brother always knows where the good restaurants are,” Shi Jin answered stiffly, a hint of spite in his voice. But the moment he realized he was acting out of spite, his expression grew even tighter— he really was acting like a fool! Fei Yujing was over there completely unmoved, while he was here overthinking and being led by the nose. It was far too foolish!

Stay cold and detached! He ordered himself in his heart.

“Still angry?” Fei Yujing asked.

“No!” Shi Jin shot back instantly. Feeling that things couldn’t go on like this and that he needed to regain control of the conversation, he immediately countered, “Didn’t you say your wound hurt? Where does it hurt? Did you call the doctor to check?”

Fei Yujing replied, “I did. The doctor said pain is normal; wound healing takes time.”

Shi Jin swept his gaze across Fei Yujing’s face and the chest hidden under the hospital gown, saying, “Your expression doesn’t look like someone in pain at all.”

“Then what kind of expression counts as being in pain?” Fei Yujing showed rare vulnerability. “Actually, I’m exercising a lot of endurance right now.”

Endurance?

Shi Jin was taken aback, then frowned. Scanning him closely, he finally spotted a trace of endurance— Fei Yujing’s forehead seemed slightly damp with sweat. Moved by a sudden thought, Shi Jin leaned over to check his back, sure enough finding a damp patch on the hospital gown soaked by sweat. He couldn’t help standing up.

Fei Yujing looked up at him and asked, “What’s wrong? Do you find keeping me company too boring and want to go back?”

“Would you lose a chunk of flesh if you just showed a little weakness? You’re sweating cold sweat from the pain, yet you still put on that unbothered face. Did you forget how to move your facial muscles?” Shi Jin scolded with a frown. Bending down, he held Fei Yujing’s shoulders to check his back, then turned and went to the bathroom to fetch a basin of warm water, gesturing for him to turn sideways.

Fei Yujing glanced at him and obediently did as told.

Half the clothes on his back were already soaked, meaning he must have been enduring the pain for a long time.

Shi Jin pressed his lips together, wringing out the towel silently. Carefully peeling back the hospital gown, he saw a massive bruise on the side of Fei Yujing’s waist and several scraped marks across his back. His fingers involuntarily tightened.

“Frightened?” Fei Yujing asked, turning his head slightly, his tone still damnably calm.

Shi Jin felt an urge to press hard right on his wound to make him yell out in pain. With a dark face, he pushed Fei Yujing’s head back, gently draped the towel over his back, and wiped him down softly, answering, “No.”

Fei Yujing stayed quiet for a moment, then asked again, “Then is it because your heart aches for me?”

“I’d rather save my heartache for a pig than for you,” Shi Jin shot back.

Fei Yujing was amused by his spiteful words and smiled, saying, “So it turns out you like pigs.”

He can actually still smile? Isn’t he in a lot of pain?

Shi Jin felt stifled inside and couldn’t stop himself from nagging, “If your body feels uncomfortable, tell the doctor! If it’s really unbearable, ask for some pain medication— don’t just tough it out. And when I came this morning, you were actually still working. When you’re injured, rest properly! Only with plenty of rest will you recover quickly. Can’t work wait a little?”

Fei Yujing explained, “It’s precisely because it hurts that I wanted to use work to distract myself.”

What kind of ghost method of distraction is that? Shi Jin was nearly driven mad with anger. He retorted, “Then why are you just sitting here doing nothing right now?”

“Because every evening, the pain in my lungs intensifies. Working at this time won’t distract me; instead, my inability to concentrate would lead to mistakes, so I can only sit here like this,” Fei Yujing answered, turning his head. “Thank you for coming to keep me company. I feel much better.”

“Should I say ‘you’re welcome’ right now, or should I praise you for being so rational and impressive?” Shi Jin tossed the towel back into the basin and scrubbed it vigorously. Glancing at him, Shi Jin resignedly abandoned the idea of staying mad at this man. Lightening his touch, he carefully wiped away all the sweat on Fei Yujing’s body. After a long pause, he whispered, “Actually… I was really happy that you took the initiative to call me over.”

Fei Yujing turned slightly to look at him.

Shi Jin tossed the towel back into the basin once more, got up, retrieved a clean hospital gown from the closet, and handed it over: “Change into this.”

Fei Yujing obediently complied again, saying, “Thank you.”

Shi Jin had lost all his remaining temper, compromising with himself and with him. Sitting down on the edge of the bed, he adopted a posture for a serious conversation and said, “Second Brother, I don’t want to fight these inexplicable fights with you anymore. You don’t understand at all, so my getting angry is just a waste of breath. I gave it some thorough thought, and I think we’re like this because of differences in our mindsets. To prevent us from having more meaningless arguments, let’s try to understand each other first, okay?”

It was the first time Fei Yujing had seen him with such a gentle, mature, and forgiving demeanor. Looking him up and down carefully, he responded, “Okay.”

“Then, Second Brother, how do you manage to handle your emotions rationally all the time? I tried to be like you, delving deep into what I’m feeling inside, but I found that analyzing my own petty emotions with a rational attitude is far too embarrassing. Expressing certain feelings honestly is also far too difficult.”

Fei Yujing shook his head. “I don’t understand what you mean.”

There was one reassuring thing about talking to Fei Yujing: you never had to worry about him hiding anything or lying. When facing people close to him, Fei Yujing was always candid. When he said he didn’t understand, he truly didn’t understand.

Shi Jin tried switching his approach, asking, “Then up until now, have you ever experienced any emotional or romantic situations that were hard to comprehend, or where you were embarrassed to share your inner thoughts? Or have you ever wanted to evade what was on your mind?”

This time, Fei Yujing thought about it very seriously, then nodded in response: “Yes.”

There actually was?

“What was it?” Shi Jin pressed, his eyes brightening. A person who was always rational and clear-headed couldn’t possibly experience self-evasion. From the look of it, Fei Yujing might still be saved after all.

Fei Yujing glanced at him and asked, “Why do you want to know?”

Because I’m curious.

Shi Jin shamelessly replied, “Because I want to understand you.”

“I want to understand you too,” Fei Yujing picked up, seamlessly shifting the topic. “Xiao Jin, how do you see me?”

Hearing this, Shi Jin paused. He understood in his heart that Fei Yujing was seizing control of the conversation, yet he said nothing, going along with his lead: “I think you’re a cold-blooded bastard.”

Fei Yujing was surprised: “Cold-blooded?”

“Not entirely cold-blooded. More like… I feel you’re like a robot. You can always control your mood and feelings so well, doing whatever you want without caring much about what others think. Sometimes I admire you, occasionally I envy you, but most of the time, I feel uneasy and fearful because of how you do whatever you please without a care.”

Fei Yujing was stunned: “Uneasy and fearful?”

“Yes, uneasy, fearful, and also reluctant,” Shi Jin answered, sharing the truest thoughts at the bottom of his heart rationally and unreservedly for the very first time. “The relationship between you and me has always been you coming and going as you please. You say you truly consider me a brother now, but I don’t dare indulge myself in accepting the care you give. In relationships, I’m used to give-and-take: if others treat me well, I treat them well in return. But with you alone— I don’t dare respond to the affection you give me. So subconsciously, I automatically ignored what you gave, because by ignoring it, I wouldn’t have to respond.”

Fei Yujing listened quietly, trying to understand his perspective.

Looking at his serious expression and recalling what Rong Zhouzhong said at dinner— that Fei Yujing was trying to cross the boundary he set for himself to come understand Shi Jin’s thoughts— Shi Jin’s heart softened. Suddenly, expressing these tangled thoughts deep in his heart no longer felt embarrassing or uncomfortable. He continued: “Second Brother, when you viewed me as a tool, you approached me decisively. When I lost my value, you discarded me cleanly. Later when we met again, because of various events, you suddenly truly accepted me as your brother. In all of this, I was entirely passive. Your approach didn’t require my permission; your departure required no explanation to me; your apology didn’t ask for my forgiveness; your amends didn’t need my response. I was like a puppet for you to manipulate— you treated me according to your mood, while never caring what I thought or felt. My will could never determine your attitude and actions toward me.”

Fei Yujing gradually furrowed his brows and asked, “Am I really like that?”

“In my understanding, yes, you are. You were right— what I want is your emotional need. I hope that you need me.”

Fei Yujing slowly shook his head: “Xiao Jin, I still don’t understand. Do you mean my care for you has become a burden? That wasn’t my intention. I didn’t ask for your forgiveness because I didn’t want to emotionally hijack you. You’re already too exhausted, and what I did to you was too cruel. Asking you to forgive me would be far too unfair to you.”

Shi Jin froze for a moment, asking, “You said you wouldn’t force my forgiveness… because of this?”

Fei Yujing nodded.

It was actually because of this.

Shi Jin could barely process it. It was actually out of fear of putting him in a difficult position that Fei Yujing only apologized without seeking forgiveness. It wasn’t due to self-centered reasons like “I don’t care about your thoughts” or “Your thoughts don’t matter to me, I only do what I want”… He raised a hand to cover his face, feeling a faint sense of redemption washing over his heart.

“Xiao Jin?” Fei Yujing called out in confusion.

Shi Jin let out a soft sigh, looking at him: “Are you an idiot?”

Fei Yujing frowned, clearly disagreeing with that statement.

“Forget it, I’m the real idiot for trying to analyze this with you,” Shi Jin said, abandoning the analysis and looking straight into his eyes. “Second Brother, I feel uneasy because I don’t know how deep your feelings for me really are. I feel fearful because I’m terrified you’ll pull away as cleanly as before. I feel reluctant because I’m over here overthinking and wavering over your actions, while you seem forever calm, composed, and unbothered. I’m afraid that after persuading and soothing myself to let go of the past and finally open my heart to you again, all I’ll get is the exact same ending as before.”

Pausing here, he reached out and placed a hand firmly on Fei Yujing’s shoulder, looking into his eyes word by word: “Second Brother, you are too rational. I’m terrified of becoming something you discard again after a rational trade-off. I want you to overthink and waver emotionally because of me. I want you to feel joy and pain based on whether I like or dislike you. I want you to care about me, to be afraid of losing me. I want you to feel heartbreak and grief if one day I disappear from your life. Only when you show that you care about me deeply and desperately will I dare to draw close to you again. The lesson from last time was too profound— I’m scared.”

Fei Yujing stared at him blankly, tasting for the very first time what it felt like to be completely at a loss for how to respond to someone’s words.

“Second Brother, I don’t need you to empathize with the pain I suffered before, nor do I need you to feel guilty, self-reproachful, or tormented over it. I’ve tasted those things, Eldest Brother and the others have tasted them, and they even fell ill because of it. It’s truly wonderful that you managed to escape that plight,” Shi Jin withdrew his hand, his tone softening. “These are all my thoughts, and these are all my expectations of you. Second Brother, if you have truly accepted me as your brother, then cooperate with me this time, okay?”

Yes, exactly like this. Overthinking was completely unnecessary— if he wanted something, he should just ask for it directly. Even if he couldn’t get what he asked for, he could accept giving up with a peaceful mind. Because he had tried, whatever the ultimate outcome was, he could face it calmly. 

Fei Yujing seemed to understand his words, yet at the same time seemed not to. An unknown emotion churned within his chest, driving him to tightly embrace this brother before him who possessed boundless courage and actively exposed his vulnerable heart. Yet his habitual rationality and clarity held him back from acting.

No need for guilt or self-blame, but a desperate, deep caring is needed.

It felt as if a stone were lodged in his chest, something striving to break free from its cage, only to be suppressed by instinct.

No, I cannot shrink back again. Shi Jin has already taken the first step— I cannot let him down again. Clearly, I was the one who started all of this.

“I… am a bit anxious,” he heard his own voice, carrying a hesitation he had never possessed before. “You asked me if I’ve ever had a situation where I was embarrassed to tell others what was on my mind. My answer is yes. I was a bit anxious, but I didn’t dare tell you.”

Shi Jin asked in confusion: “What?”

“Seeing you mend relations one by one with Third Brother, Fifth Brother, and the others… I was a bit anxious,” once the first sentence was spoken, uttering the rest no longer seemed so difficult. “So after this car accident happened, I immediately realized that an opportunity had come.”

Wait, an opportunity? Shi Jin frowned slightly.

Fei Yujing slowly gathered his thoughts, his tone regaining its steadiness bit by bit: “Back on the island, I noticed your attitude toward Fifth Brother was very intimate, and you took great care of him… Not just him, but Third Brother, Fourth Brother, and even Big Brother—you were close, dependent, or caring toward all of them. Only with me were you always so polite.”

Shi Jin gradually began to grasp what he was trying to convey. His heart involuntarily tightened as he asked, “I was polite to you?”

“Yes, very polite,” Fei Yujing answered, as if remembering something and adding, “Not just polite, you were also very guarded against me. So I started trying to touch you more, just like how Third Brother does with you. But your reaction to my touch was very ordinary.”

Recalling how Fei Yujing had been touching his head from time to time recently, Shi Jin’s eyes widened slightly— was that actually intentional?

Fei Yujing reached out and gently flicked his forehead, saying, “Just like this… I found that your attitude toward me was like dealing with a friend you merely knew— neither repulsed nor particularly close. So I grew anxious. There aren’t many things left that I can help Lian Jun with. Once those are finished, my chances of meeting you will be even fewer than now. What if everything just settled down like this? I didn’t want to be the only one among all the brothers who remained so polite with you. Xiao Jin, I want to be your brother, not your polite friend.”

This time, it was Shi Jin’s turn to be rendered speechless.

“I wanted to know why you were polite to me alone, so after the car accident, I intentionally had my subordinates exaggerate the news to allure you here. As expected, you came, and as expected, you felt guilty. So I seized the opportunity to start a topic with you, wanting to understand what was on your mind, but I blew it. I even intentionally called Third Brother over, thinking that with him present, the atmosphere would be livelier and more relaxed, and if I angered you, he could coax you on my behalf.” Fei Yujing laid out all his calculations, asking, “Xiao Jin, am I a terrifying brother?”

“…No,” Shi Jin shook his head, looking at the clear self-mockery and faint self-loathing in Fei Yujing’s eyes. In an instant, a swirl of mixed emotions flooded his chest. “You’re not terrifying… You’re just… just too foolish, Second Brother. Why are you so unwise too?”

After going in circles for so long, what on earth were the two of them doing?