To Raise a Soul 53.1

As night fell, Yu Zhen stood in his small bedroom at the plant nursery and uncomfortably pulled at his clothes. Looking at Xu Wu who was squatting before him, he asked, “You’re sure Yin Yan likes this?”

Xu Wu swished its tail. “Meow~”

“Okay, I believe you!”

Yu Zhen scooped Xu Wu into his arms and stood up. He looked at the full-length mirror which showed a figure in a white, wide-sleeved chang pao. He fiddled with the short hair which didn’t match his clothes and tried to suppress his nerves and embarrassment before climbing under the blankets.

Ten minutes later, Yin Yan appeared in the room with a box of snacks in hand. 

Yu Zhen immediately threw aside his phone and pulled up the blankets, covering his clothes fully. Making the first move, he urged, “Come over. Thanks for buying me the snacks. There’s not much to eat here and I suddenly got hungry…”

Yin Yan walked over and very naturally planted a kiss on his forehead. He held the snack box out to Yu Zhen and replied, “Don’t eat too much. It’ll affect your rest.”

“… En.” Yu Zhen suppressed the urge to throw himself at Yin Yan. Under the sheets, he pushed a wide sleeve up his arm. Once he was sure that his clothes wouldn’t show, he “aloofly” reached out with the uncovered arm to accept the box.

Yin Yan glanced at the arm which had reached out of the blankets, then at the blankets which were tightly wrapped around Yu Zhen. He silently looked away and his gaze bore into that of Yu Zhen’s.

“…”

Damn, I think I was too obvious.

Yu Zhen’s guilty conscience showed on his expression. He suddenly felt some regret for using the excuse of wanting snacks to delay Yin Yan. Pretending that nothing was wrong, he shifted his body and retracted his hands as naturally as he could. 

Pa!

Yin Yan grabbed his arm and his voice suddenly deepened. “You… aren’t dressed?”

“???”

Yu Zhen’s eyes widened for a second. Then his mind short circuited. Blushing profusely, he spat back, “You’re the one that’s not dressed! Y-you’re dirty-minded!” 

Yin Yan narrowed his eyes, bowed his head, and bit Yu Zhen. “A punishment for spouting drivel.”

It was a very gentle bite, one that was completely below the level of a punishment. That’s just being a tease!

Yu Zhen pulled him closer even as his face heated up and he stuttered, “You-your mind is in the gutter to suspect me of not wearing anything. W-why would I not be dressed?”

Yin Yan stared hungrily at his lips and was secretly eager to dish out another “punishment”. 

Compared to the words “I love you”, Yin Yan’s undisguised look of longing for his lover was a more potent and blunt expression of love.

Yin Yan acted upon his own desire. He cupped his free hand around Yu Zhen’s face and kissed him.

Their lips locked together and their bodies pressed ever closer. The blanket covering Yu Zhen slipped, revealing the collar of Yu Zhen’s white chang pao. 

No longer needing to hide the surprise, Yu Zhen wrapped his previously hidden arm around Yin Yan’s shoulders. The sleeve slipped down his arm and the collar moved out of place, partially revealing the skin. Although the white chang pao normally exuded an ascetic appearance, at that moment, it looked extremely alluring on Yu Zhen.

However, Yin Yan’s reaction to the outfit was completely different from what he had expected. The passion in his eyes disappeared in a flash and he pushed Yu Zhen away. 

When the warmth before him disappeared, Yu Zhen opened his eyes and saw Yin Yan looking intently at his clothes. Anxious, Yu Zhen pulled at his collar and asked, “Y-you don’t like it? In your past, everyone dressed like this, right? I thought you might miss the times when you wore jade crowns and chang paos, so…”

He was suddenly hugged very tightly again.

Yu Zhen’s words ground to a halt. He noticed that Yin Yan’s spiritual energy was unstable. A sense of Yin Yan’s overwhelming sadness was transmitted to him. He tried to raise his head to look at Yin Yan’s expression, but he was held too tightly, rendering him unable to move. Worried, he gently embraced Yin Yan’s waist. He whispered, “Yin Yan, did I make you think of something sad?”

Yin Yan didn’t reply. Instead, he held onto Yu Zhen even more tightly. 

Yu Zhen grew more worried, and also a little vexed.

It was through his carelessness that Yin Yan became a remnant soul. He must have experienced something terrible. If he doesn’t like the memories of his past, or has some traumatic experience which haunts him, then what’s the difference between what I’m doing and directly digging at his wounds?

“Sorry, I did something foolish again.” He gently stroked Yin Yan’s back. Sympathetic to his pain, he soothed, “I won’t act recklessly again. Don’t be sad. Let bygones be bygones. I’ll accompany you in the future.”

However, his words had no effect. The oppressive emotion swept through his chest, leaving him feeling crushed under its weight. Yu Zhen’s nose tingled and a sense of self-loathing arose from the depths of his soul. He tried to hold it back but was completely unable to resist it.

He couldn’t tell if the emotion was his own or if it belonged to Yin Yan.

A voice at the bottom of his heart asked, Why can’t you ever do anything right? Why can’t you hold onto the happiness that’s right before your eyes? Does messing everything up bring you happiness?

It’s no wonder that no one likes you. It’s no wonder that everyone shuns you as if you were a snake or scorpion. It’s no wonder that no one wanted to speak up for you.

You see, you’re a useless person. You- 

“The first time that I saw you, you appeared pitiful, very pitiful.”

That cool voice abruptly pulled Yu Zhen back just before he started falling into an abyss of dark thoughts. He looked up at Yin Yan who was slowly loosening his hold on him. Yu Zhen tightened his embrace instead, not wanting to leave Yin Yan’s side. 

Yin Yan didn’t retreat far, only as far as needed for them to look at each other properly. He touched a hand to Yu Zhen’s face, and his own indifferent expression melted away, revealing a gentleness in his eyes. Yu Zhen’s heart warmed at the sight. 

“Others say you’re foolish, that you’re stupid, and that…” He paused and stroked Yu Zhen’s face again before continuing, “But I don’t think that way. You’re very outstanding, very intelligent, and diligent. To me, in this world’s vast ocean of people, you are the most special one.”

Yu Zhen’s fingers trembled and tightly clutched at Yin Yan’s clothes. 

Special.

Does that mean that, in Yin Yan’s heart, I am unique and un…

“You are unique and unmatched.” Placing his forehead on Yu Zhen’s, Yin Yan hugged him once again. Then he tilted his head and slowly pushed his forehead down. “Yu Zhen. Rather than the clothes you’re wearing, I prefer you, the person who put on these clothes for me.”

Yu Zhen suddenly felt satisfied. He felt a sense of relief as if he had been rescued and redeemed. As his heart and body both relaxed, he closed his eyes and leaned in.

They kissed each other and toppled back onto the bed. That night, Yu Zhen’s wish was finally fulfilled, and he was able to touch Yin Yan. Happily, he discovered that Yin Yan was still very interested in his body. But, once again, he fell asleep immediately after venting once, meaning, he failed to achieve his final goal.

At the darkest time of night, Yin Yan rose from the bed. He waved a hand and clad himself in a black chang pao. Although his hair was short, it went well with his clothes. However, his overall image gave him a severity that was not usually present.

In the somewhat simple and crude building within the plant nursery, Yin Yan picked up the white chang pao and walked to the balcony. He closed the door behind him and called, “Xu Wu.”

A white ball appeared on the ground, shivering while lying on the ground in a show of respect.

The spiritual pet and its owner’s soul were interlinked. It could sense part of its owner’s emotions. At that moment, it was clear that its seemingly calm owner was in fact very angry.

“Where did you get this?”

Xu Wu raised its head. Meeting Yin Yan’s cold gaze, it was shocked into lowering its head again. It meowed quietly. 

Yin Yan glanced at it indifferently and rubbed at the two words “Asking Heaven” which were embroidered inside the white robes. True fire appeared, and in an instant, it burned away the words, leaving behind two holes. 

“I did indeed wish that he could once again wear the clothes of sect disciples. I had wished that he could stand beside me as my disciple and cultivation partner, accept everyone’s kowtow, and find everything that he had once lost.”

The white robes fell to the ground in front of Xu Wu. 

“But he didn’t want that. Until his death in his last life, he was unwilling to wear these clothes again… Xu Wu, there’s no next time.”

Spiritual energy flew to the back of Xu Wu’s neck, and with a poof, it turned back into a black pagoda tower. Its width shrunk, making it look long and thin. It no longer had the cute look of little pagoda towers. 

“Go and accept your punishment.”

The pagoda tower rolled on the ground and disappeared with a puff of black smoke.

“Take away the disciple clothing and burn it. Burn all of them.”

The black pagoda tower appeared again. It sucked the white robes into itself and disappeared again.

As the night wind blew against him, Yin Yan stood under the dim moonlight. With his dark hair and dark clothes, he almost blended into the night scene.

[Master, you’re amazing. You must come from a big sect.]

[Master, those prestigious sects like to give their disciples white robes. It looks dignified… No, Master, I’m not suggesting anything about you. You look very good in white. You look better than everyone else.]

[Master, why have you switched to wearing black robes? In that case, I’ll wear white. Black and white, what a complementary pair.]

[It’s just that white threads don’t look good… how about embroidering them with gold threads? White with gold embroidery. It’s low key and beautiful!]

[Master, why aren’t you saying anything? Did I disturb you?]

[Master?]

[Master!]

“No.” Yin Yan emerged from recalling his memories. From behind the glass doors, he looked at the image of Yu Zhen sleeping peacefully. Remembering Yu Zhen’s happy and bashful gaze before he fell asleep, Yin Yan’s heart felt stifled. He murmured, “You’re not a disturbance… You’re very good… This master…” likes you very much…

Yu Zhen slept until noon. When he woke up, he was shocked to find that the sun had risen to its midday position. He lifted the blankets to leave, but found that he was completely naked. There were also some ambiguous marks on him. Red-faced, he hurriedly covered himself up again.

His memories of the previous night returned to him. He thought about how he had clumsily groped Yin Yan, not giving the man any good feelings. Feeling embarrassed, his head practically gave off smoke. 

In the end, I didn’t “repay” him at all. I let him “repay” me instead.

How useless am I?!