I Trick Even the Lames to Stand Up for Me 002
This child is unreasonable!
Mrs. Gu was very angry, this damn third child was worse than his two elder brothers! The first and the second sons brought home all kinds of certificates of honor, trophies, and scholarships! And what did the third child bring? Motherfucking “Thank you” banners!
“Little Fairy, God of Heavens, descended to Earth and saved my family with his fortune-telling! This Wang Tie Zhu from Wang Village kneels in gratitude!”
“Serving the people with utmost care and compassion, helping the people with passion as deep as the sea—thank you, Master Gu, for curing my 18 years of ghost shaving! Li Er Qian from the Li Family sincerely offers his thanks!”
“Serve the common people and establish trust. Hand in hand, build a harmonious society! Thank you for finding my grandpa’s grave for me! Thank you very much from Liu Fu Gui of Liu Family Business!”
“Accidents are merciless, but people are compassionate. Help from the heart brings true joy. Thank you, Little Immortal, for helping my daughter-in-law in finding her partner after years of being a widow!”
The two brothers moved fast. In just a short while, they had already removed the banners from the wall and put them in their bags before Mrs. Gu could stop them.
Gu Family was engaged in real estate business. The boys’ father, Gu DeCheng, also had a big reputation in the domestic business circle and was known as a real estate tycoon. On the internet, there was an exaggerated urban legend, saying that out of ten buildings in China, three were built by the Gu Group. Because of his wealth, many netizens jokingly called Gu DeCheng “Daddy Gu”. When they would marry their wives, their houses would be built by Mr. Gu. That’s money, very valuable!
Mr. Gu DeCheng, 60 years old, had a life of smooth sailing. His only headache was Gu Ye, his stupid third son who always made people worry.
Now, this stupid son, not only did he not self-reflect, he even cheated the villagers with backward superstitions. After seeing the half a carload of banners he took home, Father Gu angrily picked up a golf club and said, “If I don’t break your leg today, I’ll take your surname!”
Gu Ye jumped more than a meter high, dodging the gold club while happily saying, “Dad, we share the same surname!”
Father Gu almost choked on his breath, his next words blocked by that response. He couldn’t find the words to refute which made him even angrier. “You still dare to talk back!”
On the side, while Mrs. Gu was secretly rejoicing in her mind, she anxiously advised, “Lao San, quickly admit your mistake to your father. You’ve only stayed in the countryside for a few days and now you already dare to talk back to your father. Do you want him to have a heart attack?!”
Mrs. Gu’s words added fuel to Father Gu’s ire. “What’s with these foul tricks you’ve learned? I don’t expect you to be as successful as your brothers. Even if you don’t do big things, just entering a second-rate university and learning some good skills after graduation is enough. But look at what you’ve done! You actually use feudal superstition to deceive villagers! And you also dare to talk back to your parents now!”
The more he talked, the angrier he got, so Father Gu kept chasing Gu Ye around with the golf club while Gu Ye agilely stepped on the table to dodge. Even if Father Gu was healthy, he was in his 60’s after all, he couldn’t catch up with the vigorous 19 year-old Gu Ye.
“You still dare to run!” Father Gu was surprised. That Gu Ye has the wit to hide now? He also knows to dodge?
Not knowing whether to laugh or cry, Gu Ye said, “If I don’t run, you will lose a son!”
Father Gu almost laughed at the remark but suppressed it. Hating iron for not becoming steel, he asked, “You’re like this—you can’t do anything without relying on others. You can’t even pick up trash later in your life. Do you want to rely on fortune telling and cheating people to make a living?”
Gu Ye cleverly nodded. “Yes.”
Father Gu’s blood pressure immediately sky-rocketed. There’s no helping this son, so it’s better to beat him to death!
Gu Ye felt helpless. Telling the truth will also earn a beating? Are all fathers this unreasonable? While hiding, he read his father’s fortune. “You’re a bit more irritable lately. Is business not going well recently? It’s because our home’s feng shui is bad. That lion at the gate has a problem; it’s losing money! It will be fine if you fix it early, otherwise you will lose a huge amount of money in three days!”
Gu Ye just wanted to prove his skills with facts. I didn’t lie, I really can do divination!
The fact that Gu Ye still wanted to use feudal superstition to convince him made Father Gu’s blood boil and he swung the gold club even fiercer. Gu Yang, who had just returned from the kitchen nibbling on egg pancake, was shocked. He hurriedly flung himself and grabbed Father Gu’s arm, yelling, “Dad! Do you want to kill my brother?!”
“I will kill him today. I will have no such son!”
“Dad! Even a vicious tiger will not eat its cub! Hit me instead, I’m strong!”
“And you, you worthless child! You still dare to come back after getting just 50 marks in your end-of-year exam!”
Seeing that her own son was about to be beaten as well, Mrs. Gu could no longer stand by and watch. So, she hurriedly stepped forward and winked at the brothers, telling them to run. Taking advantage while Father Gu was taking a breather, Mrs. Gu led him back to their bedroom and gently massaged his temples. “As for you, he is your biological son, can you really bear killing him? Don’t you feel bad hitting him? Just scaring him is enough. This is good, the third child can already speak well and is no longer gloomy. We should be happy.”
“Happy? I should be happy that he knows to talk back to me now?” Father Gu angrily slammed the golf club on the table, the sound was scary and, in fact, the impact of it hitting the table did hurt Father Gu’s hand.
“You spoil him too much!” Father Gu finally concluded.
Mrs. Gu felt bitter but couldn’t say it. Instead, she shouted in her mind, “When did I spoil Gu Ye?” She couldn’t refute, nor could she say she wasn’t really good to Gu Ye. It was inevitable to have differential treatment when raising two children. But, the late first wife’s first two sons were excellent children, while she raised the third and fourth ones who often failed exams. If you thought about it in this way, it seemed that the problem was really on her.
Back in his room, Gu Ye watched the backyard full of chaotic air and secretly calculated how to change this house’s feng shui. There would be no help coming from his father who wanted to beat him just now. Sigh, having a father is really exhausting!
The next morning at breakfast, Father Gu, who was quite lethargic, asked grumpily, “Where are those two brats? Why don’t they come down for breakfast?”
The driver, who was waiting at the door, was about to speak before Mrs. Gu effectively cut him off and answered, “They went to cram school. They left earlier in the morning; they know they need to study.”
The driver was about to speak again but stopped after receiving a hint from Mrs. Gu and could only close his mouth helplessly, thinking, Madame spoils the children too much. She would protect them even in this thing?
In fact, Mrs. Gu really had no way around this. If Gu Decheng found out what the two boys were up to, Gu Yang would surely be beaten as well. Gu Ye brought his brother along when he did bad things, so she had no choice but to cover for them.
After breakfast, Father Gu went to the company. In the car, the driver wanted to say something but hesitated. After some thought, he pulled out a small paper bag from his pocket and said, “Third Young Master gave this to you, hoping that you… will stay safe.”
Taking it, Father Gu opened the bag and then said angrily, “This thing is useless!”
Inside the bag was an amulet with ghost-like writing scribbled on it!
Father Gu angrily crumpled the amulet in his palm into a ball shape and was about to throw it away when he received a phone call. He picked up his phone instinctively and, as if by chance, the crumpled ball of amulet fell into his pocket.
Arriving at the company, his secretary reported, “Mr. Gu, we just received a notice regarding the right for the construction of the Winter Olympics venue we are bidding for. There are some problems now and we are waiting for the verdict.”
Father Gu frowned. The right to the construction was a fixed thing already, so what happened in the middle? The other day as well, the land to the north of the city had already been agreed to be sold to him, but now, the owner wanted to renegotiate. Father Gu was inevitably tired of this. Everything went against him recently and the two kids at home also made him worry unceasingly.
Unexpectedly, there was more bad news coming. Before long, the secretary with a solemn face reported, “Mr. Gu, there’s trouble in the shopping arcade. Someone is about to jump off a building!”
Gu DeCheng stood up with a cold expression, puzzled. Of all the streets to commit suicide, why this one? His third son said something yesterday about how he would lose a lot of money in three days, and today, something had already happened. Most merchants were concerned about feng shui and the likes, and now that things had turned sinister, it would be harder to sell the properties there. It cost him a lot of money to buy a large piece of land in such a valuable location. But now that it couldn’t be sold, there would be a problem with the capital turnover.
Gu DeCheng arrived at the mall an hour later, but he was too late. That person had already jumped.
Around the area, many people were there to watch. “This is the third time this month, isn’t it? This street is too wicked. Rumor has it that the accidents started three months ago and keep happening three times every month.”
“This is so weird. It won’t be because the building company did something bad and now the spirit is coming for revenge, right?”
“I don’t know. It’s such a big street. Who knows what happened when they built it?”
The secretary’s expression also turned bad while persuading the director with a small voice, “Director Gu, why not ask a feng shui master to come take a look? Maybe there is something evil involved here.”
“What feng shui master?! That is all nonsense!” The most taboo phrase for Gu DeCheng right now was “Metaphysics Master.” As soon as he heard it, the image of the banners his third son brought back made him have the urge to hit Gu Ye.
At that moment, someone suddenly shouted, “Be careful!”
Gu DeCheng felt a cold wind blowing behind him, and just as he felt cold and turned around, he saw a truck speeding forward, heading right towards him. The people around cried out in alarm, and Gu DeCheng’s pupils contracted. He stepped back in reflex, but he tripped over the divider. A thought flashed in his mind, I’m finished. I’m going to die here today.
Just when everyone thought there would be another tragedy, the truck suddenly turned right and passed by Gu DeCheng.
The crowd only returned to their senses after a few seconds of silence.
“That was too dangerous! You must be really lucky to survive that!”
“God must be watching, there was nearly another tragedy!”
Gu DeCheng touched his pocket. Just when the truck was about to run him over, he’d felt his pocket grow hot and then the truck immediately turned right after. Pulling the stuff out, he saw that it was the amulet Gu Ye gave him this morning. But now, the amulet was burnt and only a third of it was left.
Gu DeCheng suddenly thought of his third son’s words. Thinking carefully, it had all come true and he was struck with a thought, Maybe that little brat really can tell fortunes?
Back in the car, Gu DeCheng calmed himself down for half an hour before asking the driver, “Where is Lao San?”
The driver stuttered, “Madame says…”
“Say it!” Looking at Mrs. Gu’s face this morning, he knew that those two little brats must be up to no good.
After some cross-examination, Gu DeCheng went to the “cram school” where Gu Ye and Gu Yang were supposed to go. He decided that no matter what Gu Ye was doing, he would calmly talk to him.
He found his two sons under an obscured overpass. His third son, Gu Ye, calmly sat on a small stool, and in front of him was a plank covered in white linen cloth where a lot of amulets were spread out. Behind him was a white banner with flamboyant calligraphy which read: Fortune Telling!
Looking at the side, Father Gu almost fainted in fury. His youngest son, who was usually normal, was now dressed in a phony Taoist robe complete with a Bagua chart on his chest. He was wearing sunglasses while holding a big sign post that had a badly hand-drawn little monk wearing a Buddhist robe with a Jiāshā draped over his shoulder. Surrounding the drawing was writing that read: Ancestral skills of Exorcism and Expelling Evil, able to see feng shui and Yin and Yang matters, able to discern the Five Elements Bagua, picking a name from Five Elements, fortune telling from characters, seeing future prospects, curing frightened young children who lost their mortal souls and turned into fools. Double price for grave digging, muah~
At this moment, Gu DeCheng put away the idea to “calmly talk” with his sons and pulled out a golf club from under his seat.
T/N :
- Ghost shaving : Hair loss. In this context, might be the case of a curse
- Hating iron for not becoming steel : Frustrated at someone for not being able to meet expectations
- Shoulders couldn’t carry, hands couldn’t lift : useless, not having the skills or brain to do stuff
- Egg pancake : There are a lot of different types of pancake. Here’s one on youtube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RzAhcPJSm3k
- Even a vicious tiger will not eat its cub : Self explanatory, I think
- Jiāshā : The cloth monks usually wear, draped over one shoulder or wrapped around.
- Five Elements Bagua : Wuxing Bagua
Translator(s): Kuro
Editor(s): –
Kuro : Yes, calmly talk lmao. Huge thanks to Velvet for helping me checking the translation! I can’t remember much about this series but if there are any words that need to be censored, I will. Tell me your thoughts in the comments. And btw, I really read all comments but I have a running mouth. I’m afraid I will let out huge spoilers and stuff if I reply to the comments because I really can’t help it. Thank you for reading! <3
Oh my god, thank you for taking it up Kuro!!
You did a wonderful job as well!
Poor Father Gu.
I feel like Xie Lian rn. I don’t know if I’d laugh or cry.
Thank you for this great translation!
Wow how lucky having that golf club handy. 🤣🤣🤣
Lmaoo a golf club!