Part-Time Taoist Priest 33

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Conscripting Soldiers of the Underworld 

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“I-I really don’t know Taiji Sword…” Zhang Daoting despaired. He was currently surrounded by a crowd of middle-aged aunties asking him to teach them Taiji Sword.

This was all because of the excuse Xie Lingya casually blurted out when he was found carrying the Three Treasure Sword. He’d claimed that he was practicing Taiji Sword, making everyone think that all Taoist temples knew Taiji Sword.

The newcomers Hou Xuzhong and Liu Bohe knew some martial arts but the aunties didn’t want them to teach them.

Thankfully, at this moment Xie Lingya returned. Zhang Daoting quickly said, “Xie shixiong is back. Let him teach you.”

Indeed, everyone saw that Xie Lingya had returned carrying a sword on his back, so they went to him instead.

“Alright, hold on. Let me put down my things.” Xie Lingya was familiar with the temple’s regulars. After he bluffed about Taiji Sword back then, he really went to learn it. Occasionally he would practice it in the front yard.

Xie Lingya went to the back and released the toilet ghost he was carrying in his hand. In the temple, under the watchful eye of Spirit Official Wang, the toilet ghost quivered in fear.

Shi Changxuan was also in the yard. Although the ghost did not show itself, he felt its presence, “What did you bring back?”

“A toilet ghost who tried to scare me,” Xie Lingya said. After he had beaten up the toilet ghost, it had begged for mercy, so he brought it back for supervision.

It wouldn’t do to leave this fella in the toilet. Even if it didn’t dare to harm anyone, it kept peeping at people going to the toilet.  

“What do you plan to do with it?” Shi Changxuan asked.

They couldn’t let it stay in Baoyang’s toilet to repent after all. How would they reform it? Make it wash the toilet every day?

After some thought, Xie Lingya said, “As for the ghost, I think we should reform it through labor. Let it spend its energy, lose some weight, and at the same time change its bad habit of peeping at people going to the toilet.”

Shi Changxuan: “……”

The toilet ghost was fat from the negative energy in its body. It was unlike fats in humans though, as a person wouldn’t be able to grow into the size this ghost was by gaining fats.

To lose weight, the toilet ghost should avoid places with strong negative energy, and let it be cleansed by nature’s aura. 

The way Xie Lingya put it was… fresh.

The toilet ghost squatted down where it was left, being extra compliant after Xie Lingya’s treatment. It feared that Xie Lingya would exterminate it, or shackle it in front of the altar which would be torturous.

“Later, let Ding Aima and Qin Limin supervise it. Don’t let it go near the toilet,” Xie Lingya said.

By now, Ding Aima and Qin Limin were model citizens with great motivation to do good.

Ding Aima hung around the mall every day, treating the mall like his home. Therefore, he absolutely could not tolerate thieves. Every now and then he would bump into people lifting merchandise, causing those items to fall out and be exposed.

Qin Limin was even more driven in his task. If he was a human, he would make the news for his great and determined contribution to the nightly safety of Golden Osmanthus Street. If everything went well, Xie Lingya planned to send him off next year at the Ghost Festival’s salvation ceremony.

Xie Lingya put away his things, then went outside to teach the uncles and aunties Taiji Fist, after all, he was the only one with a sword.

However, there were too many chairs and tables in the temple’s yard because of the tea patrons. Fortunately, there was a plaza just nearby. So everyone moved there with Xie Lingya in the lead.

Dawn Plaza at night was filled with elderly dancers of different groups. Some looked professional with uniform costumes, some with props like fans. There was also a group of a dozen people practicing Taiji Fist led by a middle-aged man in the corner.

When Baoyang Temple’s entourage arrived, murmurs broke out. Someone even came over to ask, “Where did you find your trainer? And why…”

…Why is he so much better looking than our trainer? Young, too!

Xie Lingya didn’t usually practice in the plaza. They only came over because there were too many people to fit in the temple. The uncles and aunties were puzzled too; Didn’t Xiao Xie practice his sword out here all the time, why don’t you recognize him?

Putting aside the confusion, they replied, “He is not a hired trainer. He is a jushi from Baoyang Temple.”

The person was envious. They might not know much, but they knew the Grandmaster of Taiji was the famous Taoist Zhang Sanfeng. Subconsciously, they felt that a trainer from a Taoist temple must be of the same legacy. How cool was that!

In actuality, Xie Lingya had only learned from online videos. 

He did not pay attention to the discussions because as he was giving the lesson, he started feeling something amiss. His Spirit Official Divine Eye was closed but he felt gusts of wind carrying yin energy.

This couldn’t be. The plaza was so lively with energy from the crowd of people, how could there still be disturbances?

A normal person might only think that it was a strange gale but Xie Lingya didn’t think so. He excused himself to the uncles and aunties then ran back to the temple.

He had just used the Spirit Official Divine Eye today and his eyes were still uncomfortable. He asked Shi Changxuan to open his sight with a talisman, saying, “I felt strong yin energy in the wind outside.”

At this hour, the Taisu Clinic had closed for the day. Hai Guanchao and Fang Che just came back and closed the door. They saw Xie Lingya heading out and wanted to question him when a knock came from the door behind them.

Hai Guanchao turned back to open the door but there was no one outside.

But in Xie Lingya’s eyes, there was someone outside.

At the door, Qin Limin and Ding Aima were holding up a female ghost who looked frazzled. The ghost’s abdomen was inflated, her face the color of ash and her long hair disheveled. She didn’t look kind but she was leaning on the other two ghosts and appeared to be weak, a little fearful even.

—Of course, any ghost knocking on the door of Spirit Official Wang’s temple would probably be fearful.

Judging by the ghost’s bulging stomach, she was pregnant.

Ghosts were like humans in that they could carry a fetus. A ghost baby could be conceived out of chance from the residual life energy of a deceased person. Or if a pregnant woman died and the soul of her fetus became entangled with energies from the agony of death. Both circumstances could spawn ghost babies, but those born under the former conditions could not reincarnate.

These incidents were rare and usually the results of some twist of fate. More common were women who died in childbirth turning into blood-smeared ghosts.

“What’s the matter?” Xie Lingya asked.

He had never met this female ghost. Maybe she was a friend of Ding Aima and Qin Limin.

Ding Aima quickly said, “Teacher Xie, just now we felt someone summon us. And her… She is also a ghost nearby.”

Conscription was common in rituals where some practitioners would summon supernatural beings to their aid. Xie Lingya remembered the gusts of yin energy he felt. Could it be caused by ghosts passing by? Quite a number must have been summoned in that case. What ritual would need so many?

Regular ghosts and wandering spirits had little immunity towards conscription. However, to make things easier for Ding Aima and Qin Limin in their community work and allow passage through the temple, Xie Lingya had made special arrangements. These two ghosts were considered under the protection of the venerated founder and had resistance towards such forced drafts.

Qin Limin spouted angrily, “They even drafted pregnant women. This is crossing the line! Such a tragedy of humanity, even more inhumane than the Magistrate of Shihao¹A poem by Tang poet Dufu based on events surrounding the An Lushan Rebellion. The poem described forced conscription at night in the Shihao village of even weak elderly women (link).! If we didn’t pull her back, she would’ve been gone!”

Xie Lingya: “???”

Xie Lingya was thoughtful. This was new to him. He had never summoned any wandering spirits and didn’t know the conscription was indiscriminate of gender or physical conditions.

When put in this manner, it did seem objectionable that one should draft a pregnant ghost…

Qin Limin pointed at the female ghost and said, “She went into labor while resisting the summon. Now she is having difficulty giving birth. Teacher Xie, please help her! She never did anything bad, you can find out for yourself if you don’t believe me. She lived in the residential area over there when she was alive and has only been watching people dancing in the plaza after death.”

The female ghost stared at Xie Lingya with agony on her face.

Xie Lingya: “……”

No, wait, you really think that Teacher Xie is so all-knowing that he could even deliver a baby?!

Hai Guanchao could not see the ghosts. He watched Xie Lingya’s one-sided conversation and asked curiously, “Who is it?”

Xie Lingya turned to Hai Guanchao slowly.

Hai Guanchao: “……”

Xie Lingya: “……”

Hai Guanchao: “……” He had a bad feeling.

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Taisu Clinic

“What are you doing? Don’t open my eyes. I don’t want to see! No!” Hai Guanchao struggled fruitlessly. When he opened his eyes he was faced with the horrific sight of a pregnant ghost. He lost all will to live.

“I’m a doctor but I don’t know how to deliver babies for ghosts!” Hai Guanchao felt wronged.

“Doctor, please! I beg you! Please save me and my child…” The ghost held her stomach and crawled a few steps on the floor to clasp onto Hai Guanchao’s ankle.

“…..” Hai Guanchao got goosebumps. “Please speak with your mouth, not your hands!”

Qin Limin and Ding Aima helped the female ghost up and smiled apologetically at Hai Guanchao, “Doctor Hai, please just do this as charity. She won’t forget you even if she reincarnates.”

Hai Guanchao: “……”

Xie Lingya: “Just try doing it as you would a human.”

Hai Guanchao was deep in his thoughts when he turned and saw the toilet ghost. He took five steps back in fright and knocked his glasses askew. “Fuck, the hell is that?!”

The toilet ghost hung its head in shame.

“This is the new ghost I brought back but that’s not important. “Xie Lingya implored, “Brother Hai, why don’t you give it a shot? Ghosts were once humans too.”

At this moment, Fang Che interrupted, “Let me try.”

Everyone looked at him.

There were also some methods written in the Luban Book on how one could open their sights to the supernatural, so Fang Che solved that for himself. “Let’s not put Doctor Hai in the spot, he has never dealt with the supernatural. I can try inducing labor instead.”

Hai Guanchao nodded fervently. Although he had some knowledge of the supernatural due to his family history, he, after all, wasn’t in the business. He had never even seen ghosts, let alone delivered a ghost baby.

Ghosts were beings of the yin realm, so obviously talismans drawn with cinnabar could not be used. Fang Che let the ghost lay flat on the floor. He brought well water heavily infused with yin energy and recited the incantation, “One becomes the water of Nine Dragons, Two becomes the labor-inducing water of Wang Mu…”

When the incantation was complete, he splashed the water on the ghost.

The ghost put a hand on her stomach and let out a long howl. Then, as if by miracle, her stomach slowly deflated until it became flat while a bulge appeared beneath the skirt between her legs.

Xie Lingya felt discomfited. It was the first time any of them had experienced something like this. Thinking back on it, they had just witnessed a lady giving birth. Xie Lingya quickly closed his eyes and exclaimed, “Don’t watch.”

The female ghost laughed, making her pale face look even scarier. She picked up the ghost baby from beneath her skirt and stared at her child lovingly.

As an undead creature, the ghost baby carried even heavier yin energy. His whole body was pale and bloodless. His eyes were opened as soon as he was born and the dark eyes bore into whoever he stared at.

“……” While everyone was touched by the display of motherly affection, the spooky scene gave everyone goosebumps and the emotional sentiment was gone.

The ghost held her child in her arms and bowed to Fang Che. Then again she bowed to everyone else, even Hai Guanchao and Xie Lingya who hadn’t managed to help. “Thank you so much!”

“It’s nothing, I didn’t help,” Xie Lingya said as he avoided the bow.

Hai Guanchao was a little embarrassed. He felt a touch of regret after the matter. It was probably the only chance he had of practicing his medical skill on a ghost, but he had let go of it because he was frightened.

The ghost pursed her lips and smiled. “I am Du Minmin. If there is anything you need help with in the future, please don’t hesitate to ask, Mr. Fang.”

Fang Che waved, “It’s no problem at all.”

After Ding Aima and Qin Limin sent Du Minmin off, Hai Guanchao expressed his regret, “I should’ve tried just now.”

He muttered maybe this method could work, or that method was worth a try.

“Don’t worry, Brother Hai,” Xie Lingya consoled him. “Maybe she would come back to you with pediatric questions and you would have the chance to show off your skills.”

For example, ghost baby crying at night, lack of mother’s milk (he didn’t know if female ghosts lactated, though), and such questions.

Hai Guanchao: “……”

After delivering the ghost baby, the crowd closed up the clinic and headed back to the temple.

Xie Lingya and Shi Changxuan were at the back of the entourage, Xie Lingya said, “I’m curious who was conscripting the ghosts tonight. It was quite a stir.”

Shi Changxuan nodded thoughtfully. There were gales of supernatural wind, it was indeed quite the stir. After a moment of silence, he said instead, “You have another exam tomorrow. Don’t think too much.”

If Shi Changxuan’s family were here, they would feel something amiss because this didn’t sound at all like Shi Changxuan’s style.

Shi Changxuan also felt slightly strange after he finished. But Xie Lingya had shown him so much care every day, and with Pokeweed’s brainwash, he thought he might have been affected…

Xie Lingya did not notice anything and simply nodded.

Shi Changxuan was walking slightly ahead, still thinking about what he just said.

Suddenly, Xie Lingya stepped forward landing a hand on Shi Changxuan’s left shoulder. His face leaned towards Shi Changxuan’s right shoulder and he asked in a gentle voice, “Cutie, are you hungry?”

Shi Changxuan: “???!”

Shi Changxuan felt a sense of helplessness he never felt before, even when he’d first encountered a malevolent spirit. His heart raced, his mind went almost completely blank, while the remainder was filled with: What is this?

Cutie.

Cutie???

Pokeweed replied shyly, “…Hungry.”

Xie Lingya rested his face on the other’s shoulder and said with a smile. “I’ll bring you some fruits. You need to say a few more words next time.”

Shi Changxuan: “……”

Shi Changxuan’s heart was tangled into a jumble. His lips parted slightly but no words came out. In a daze, he headed up the stairs silently.

The next day, Xie Lingya went for his exams again. Thankfully, he wasn’t affected by last night’s surprise.  He finished his examination in a good mood.

The results would be out in two months. Xie Lingya did his best. Hopefully, Pokeweed’s prediction would come true and he would pass the preliminary test. After all, he had put the effort into preparing for the exam.

Xie Lingya and Tang Qi had come to the mutual understanding that they should keep in touch. Indeed, Tang Qi kept to his word and contacted Xie Lingya to bring him new business.

Tang Qi had a friend, or rather an acquaintance, from his business dealings, known as Madam Zhu whose father was gravely ill. His illness was believed to be caused by something supernatural. 

They were going to seek Chen Sansheng’s help but Chen Sansheng was not accepting jobs for an extended period of time. They then went to another master. The master claimed that someone had cast a spell and sent many malevolent spirits to harm Madam Zhu’s father, which was the cause for his illness.

However, this master did not manage to ward off the spirits. Madam Zhu was looking for another powerful practitioner, so Tang Qi introduced her to Xie Lingya and disclosed some of Director Gao’s encounters.

With Tang Qi as the middleman, Xie Lingya agreed to the job. Probably because Tang Qi mentioned Shi Changxuan when he made the introductions, Madam Zhu felt it was more reassuring if she hired both of them.

Xie Lingya also felt more confident to have Shi Changxuan who was formally trained with him. Besides, they noticed a coincidence with this job after discussing it between themselves.

They discovered someone conscripting wandering spirits two days ago and here Madam Zhu said that her father was thought to be harmed by conscripted ghosts. Could it be the same person?

They agreed on a time with Madam Zhu to visit her father.

Madam Zhu was about forty years old and her father was seventy. The family lived in a villa with a big yard. Evidently, they were very well off. This was consistent with the commission she promised Xie Lingya.

Madam Zhu was forewarned by Tang Qi, so she did not express any surprise with the duo’s age. She led them through the yard and said, “My father has been unconscious longer and longer these past two days. I hope you can break this evil curse and also expose the culprit behind it! I will pay extra!”

As they went through the entrance on the first floor, there were already a few people sitting in the living room. There was a plump middle-aged man, an older man wearing colorful ritual robes, and a youngster holding a bunch of ritual tools.

The two sides crossed paths and the plump man immediately exclaimed, “Dear sister, who are these strange people you’ve invited? Are they any good? The one you hired last time even threw up blood.”

Madam Zhu did not back down, “And what about the people you hired? Wasn’t it bad enough that the last one was a scammer?”

The plump man harrumphed, “Watch your words! This is Master Zhao, a highly skilled master I especially invited over from the provincial city. He had already seen dad and is starting the ritual right now!”

Madam Zhu said, “Hehe, if there is any ritual to be done, then we will go first. I have already told dad. These two are masters from Baoyang Temple. Not only will they break the curse, they will also help me find the culprit to avenge dad.”

Actually, Xie Lingya had not promised that, but since Madam Zhu had already said so, he couldn’t object. Instead, he scrutinized ‘Master Zhao’.

The robe he was wearing looked Taoist but wasn’t. He had the aloofness of a cultivator, maybe he was a folk practitioner. Xie Lingya nodded to this peer of his as a sign of greeting.

The aloof Master Zhao turned his nose up as if he didn’t see anything.

The youngster holding the things next to him, asked, “Master, should I still make the preparations?”

Madam Zhu exclaimed loudly, “You must not. I have already made arrangements.”

“I already said I was here first! Dad is still unconscious. Who could prove if he really agreed with you?” Madam Zhu’s brother also raised his voice.

Xie Lingya and Shi Changxuan frowned, rather speechless over the poor relationship between the two siblings. They did not know of the situation beforehand. It seemed like they would not be able to start their work so soon.

The siblings argued for a whole twenty minutes before Madam Zhu relented. Although the other party was here first, she didn’t intend to let Xie Lingya leave. She said, “Let us wait for a while. After they are done making a fool of themselves, then Masters please help my father.”

Mr. Zhu glared at her then said, “Master Zhao, please start so that some people could just give up already.”

Master Zhao nodded solemnly, “Xiao Liang, set up the altar.”

The youngster named Xiao Liang answered respectfully and started preparing the altar.

Master Zhao understood his employer’s mentality well. He coughed and said, “Mr. Zhu, please be at ease. I have had so many magical duels and have been victorious each time. Heh heh.”

Mr. Zhu nodded and gave his sister a smug look.

When Xiao Liang was done setting up, Master Zhao stepped forward to perform the ritual. His mannerisms in conducting the ritual appeared authentic.

Xiao Liang stood by the side and boasted, “Mr. Zhu, just you watch. My master rears a million strong soldiers. He just needs to summon a tenth and that is enough to obliterate the enemy’s army who are harming Elder Zhu.

Practitioners called the spirits they summoned, an army. More skilled masters had generals who were not ghosts but divine beings. It was common for Taoist ceremonies to have segments where the practitioners called upon the help of such supernatural beings. But things like summoning an army, not everyone had such skills.

Moreover, he had said that his master ‘reared.’ That meant that the master did not summon impromptu from the surrounding areas. Rather, he had the army under his banner and provided for them in the long term.

—That was the equivalent of a long-term contract. Those who were summoned impromptu were more like temp workers.

Raising an army worked the same way as raising xiao gui or whispering sprites. If one used them to do good, then they were cultivating good karma.

Madam Zhu huffed, “One million, he said, tsk.”

In the tone of addressing an amateur, Xiao Liang said, “Big sis, don’t speak if you know nothing. You might think that one million is exaggerating, but among this million are those inherited from generations of our predecessors and those my master summoned and trained himself for many years. A few thousand is enough for a normal ritual, but my master is not just anyone!”

Keeping a supernatural army was like keeping a human one. Training was required to turn wandering spirits into strong soldiers. The Maoshan Sect was particularly adept at this.

However, a supernatural army a million strong was definitely not for a common practitioner. Even if he did not make his mark in history, he would at the very least be famous among his contemporaries. But from the look of Shi Changxuan, Xie Lingya didn’t think he knew this Master Zhao.

At this moment, Master Zhao shouted on the altar, “Accept this order and rally your troops, listen to my command!”

He was advanced in years, but his voice was loud. His shout stunned Madam Zhu. She glanced around and thought he seemed legitimate and didn’t dare to say more.

Xie Lingya on the other hand quietly opened his sights. He glanced over at Master Zhao barked orders at the air and even used a decree plate.

These days proper Taoists were living in poverty while scammers thrived and prosper.

Well then, that million-strong supernatural army was a figment of imagination.

Xiao Liang was either too immersed in the act or trusted his master full-heartedly. He followed the hand movements of Master Zhao, eager to learn everything. From this point, if he was a liar then his acting was too good.

When Master Zhao was drawing a talisman, Xiao Liang turned to stare at Xie Lingya and Shi Changxuan. These two were young, probably just a few years older than himself, what would they know?

Xiao Liang asked humbly, “Can you summon soldiers from the netherworld?”

Shi Changxuan did not respond. Xie Lingya was more friendly, after some thought he said, “Probably… yes?”

His tone was uncertain. After all, he had not performed many rituals and most of those he did were salvation and purification rites. Although he had not practiced a summoning ritual, Xie Lingya felt he should be able to do it.

Xiao Liang smiled and said proudly, “How many can you summon? My master said when I complete my studies, he would draft me 8000 soldiers with fighter jets.”

Xie Lingya: “???”

Xie Lingya exchanged a look with Shi Changxuan. Wait, is this kid for real? Why didn’t your master give you an aircraft carrier then?

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Translator: Velvet
Editors: Miiya
Proofreader: Taalia, Eques
QC: Eques

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